How to Prove Anything. 30 absurd research papers no one else was brave enough to publish (ebook) Pszów

This book collects popular essays from the renowned Cranberry-Lemon University Press’s most illustrious scholars. Despite their questionable research methods, bizarre obsessions, personal vendettas, and often stunning lack of impartiality, the authors have irrefutably broken new ground academically. How to Prove Anything sheds new light on a wide range of topics. Famed academics Dr. Tiffany Love and Dr. Chad Broman present a glimpse into their shared life via a series of papers that unravel the mysteries of modern romance. From time series analysis of mood swings to Pavlovian behavioral modification to sub-Nyquist sampling for balancing relationship attention with videogame performance, Chad and Tiffany find new and often startling uses for tried-and-true algorithms, gaining insights from which we can all benefit. Can I avoid arguments by predicting moods with time series analysis? Can linear programming help us determine who should do the dishes? And, most pressingly of all… Can I fix him? Academic writing has brought new knowledge into the world for hundreds of years. This book may be the most vital contribution of all. While some of the applications in this book may be niche even obscure reading will provide intellectual stimulation, spiritual enlightenment or, at the very least, some entertainment. Spis treści: 1. Dust, Heat, and Cumin: Low-Budget, Synthetic, Authentic, Mexican Atmosphere Sepia Filter for Modern Cinema 2. Novel Gravity- and Velocity-Based Time Dilation Methodology for Real-Time Bitcoin Payment Processing3. Me and My Friend Found Where the Coolest Part in My Room Is Using the Heat Equation Because It Is REALLY, REALLY HOT OUTSIDE! 4. Me and My Friend Show That My Dad's Airstream Trailer Goes Faster with Dints and That We Shouldn't Be Grounded for Hitting It with a Baseball Last Saturday 5. A Novel Method for the Safe and Effective Recycling of PFAS Plastics: A Black Hole Hawking Radiation Approach6. Pink and Fire: Computational Fluid Dynamics Simulation Analysis of My Recent Gender Reveal Party Disaster7. Congenital and Parent-of-Origin Prediction Factors and Risks of Baby Jazziness in Americana Live Births8. Testicular Cancer Truck Nut Self-Examination for North American Pick-Ups: A Cost-Benefit Analysis9. Log-Log-Likeliwood of Black Walnut in Random Forestry10. Natural Log Exponential Log Growth Models in Hardwood Nurseries 11. The No-Regrets Waiting Model: A Multi-Armed Bandit Approach to Maximizing Tips 12. Who's a Good Boy? A Metropolis-Hastings Approach to Determining Foster Dog Names of Unknown Origin13. A Re-Examination of the Fermi Paradox: A Data- and P(Doom)-Driven Markov Process Approach14. Comparative Space-Saving Highway Interchange Design 15. Image Transfer Protocol Delivery Methods for Sending Pocket Rocket Pictures to Tinder Matches 16. Unlocking Human 17. Yield-Strength Comparative Load-Bearing Analysis of the Limited-Time Cheez-It Webbed Crunchwrap Supreme 18. Novel Techniques for Hijacking Self-Driving Cars19. On the Tardiness of Coworkers and How to Exploit It20. Replying Haha So True! to Every Meme Your Friend Sends: An Experimental Study in Preserving Social Bonds with Minimum Effort21. A Time-Series Analysis of My Girlfriend's Mood Swings22. Behavioral Conditioning Methods to Stop My Boyfriend from Replaying The Witcher 323. Sub-Nyquist Sampling While Listening to My Girlfriend24. Who Should Do the Dishes? A Transportation Problem Solution25. Freudian Psychoanalysis of My Boyfriend's Gun Collection26. Breaking Up with Your Girlfriend but Not Your Friends: A Cyclic Graph Algorithm for Social Network Preservation27. The Future of Romance: Novel Techniques for Replacing Your Boyfriend with Generative AI28. Winning Tiffany Back: How to Defeat an AI Boyfriend29. Would He Still Love Me as a Worm? Indirect Sampling and Inference Techniques for Romantic Assurance30. Efficient Methods of One-Night Global Toy Delivery